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| September 30th 2008 Cereal, Breakfast Of Champion Moms - Who Want Boys! Women who want to conceive a son should start every day with a big bowl of cereal. "If You want a boy, eat a healthy diet with a high calorie intake, including breakfast," says Fiona Mathews, who led a study of 740 pregnant women at of the University of Exeter in England. "Of the women who ate cereals daily, 59 percent had boys, compared with only 43 percent in the group eating less than a bowlful per week." The new research is echoed in the animal kingdom, where horses and cows that are well-fed are more likely to give birth to males. The findings may mean that calories-counting young women consuming more low fat foods and skipping breakfast are responsible for the current drop in male births in America. Scientists also discovered that the old wives' tale that a salty diet, including an increased intake of potassium, sodium and calcium, promotes the conception of sons is true. |
| September 29th 2008 Afghanistan's New Rulers Outlaw Musicals Jalalabad, Afghanistan - Remember how we waged a bloody war to get rid of those Taliban nuts over in Afghanistan? The folks we replaced them with may not be playing with a full deck either. The country's Supreme Court has banned TV stations from airing "obscene" Western films - those that are deemed un-Islamic, against Afghan culture and in violation of the "spirit of jihad." Also banned as obscene are Indian musicals because they feature women singing. |
| BREAKING NEWS: A rare hurricane spins past Maine and hits Canada |
| September 28th 2008 Japanese WW2 Midget Sub Has Sunk 35 Ships Since 1945... And It's Headed For California! The U.S. Navy is tracking a Japanese midget submarine that's been missing since the infamous sneak attack on Pearl Harbor on Dec. 7 1941. And incredibly, two Japanese sailors are on board the rusting craft - still fighting World War II! California appears to be the next target of the disoriented but determined crew, a U.S. Navy source says grimly. Key personnel at naval bases along the West Coast have been discreetly put on alert, to prepare for an attack that could destroy an untold number of vessels. "We believe that they're responsible for as many as 35 unexplained sinkings of American ships that have vanished in the Pacific over the last 61 years," reveals the Navy source. "They've become expert at evading our most sophisticated sonar devices - and that has the brass extremely worried." The 78-foot sub was first spotted in late August by a civilian craft from the Hawaii Undersea Research Laboratory during a routine survey of the ocean floor just south of the island of Mindinao in the Philippines. Researchers mistook the seaweed-covered, barnacle-encrusted vessel for a wreck - until it began moving on its own. The next encounter came in December, when two Navy divers boarded it after a spirited chase and were stunned to find the two-man crew alive and well - so well that they managed to overpower the unsuspecting Navy men and escape once more. According to the source, the divers told a debriefing team that the sailors were elderly men, possibly in their late 70s or early 80s. They wore Japanese naval uniforms that were clearly leftover from WW2 - pitifully threadbare after almost 60 years of daily wear. "The old guys were babbling incomprehensibly, and our guys heard them blurt out something that sounded like 'President Roosevelt give up, Emperor Hirohito god, Tokyo Rose talk." "We think they wanted the divers to tell FDR to surrender to Hirohito, who they believe is the emperor. They must think that it's still 1944." "Toyko Rose talk" was a reference to the infamous radio personality who used her sultry voice and cruel words to try to demoralize American troops furing the war in the Pacific. "All we can think is that these two think the war is still going on," says the source. "It's as if they've been in a time warp." "It's our theory that they've been operating out of a deserted Japanese base, stocked with food and torpedoes, on one of the small uninhabited islands of the Philippines." The mystery vessel has been tentively identified as one that led four other Jap mini-subs to Pearl Harbor to reinforce the notorious 1941 air blitz. The other vessels are accounted for, but this one was reported missing and never returned to port. "Japanese military officials are telling us that back in 1941, the sub had been ordered to maintain radio silence and wage war on U.S. vessels until they received orders to the contrary," say the Navy source. "Those orders never came - so men did what they believed was their patriotic duty." Navy commanders are searching with increasing desperation for the sub. "These guys are very determined and very clever," says the source. "They could do a lot of damage at any one of our ports." "But we also want to bring them in for compassionate reasons," he adds. "The poor devils have been wandering the Pacific for more than half a century - they need help." |
| September 27th 2008 Bigfoot Captured In Catskills! Putting an end once and for all to skeptics who claim Bigfoot is nothing more than a myth, the giant, hairy creature has been captured in the Catskill Mountains of Upstate New York. "This is a monumental day for humankind," exults anthropologist Marcus Wainright. "We finally have proof that this mysterious animal is a reality." But the scientific community's eagerness to study the captured Bigfoot has been frustrated by the Department of Homeland Security. The towering humanoid vanished after the anti-terrorist organization took him into custody in the belief that he has ties to Al Qaeda. The bizarre story unfolded when Bigfoot stumbled into a comedy club in famed resort area - home to the Borscht Belt, a series of hotels and other vacation spots in which many American's most illustrious funnymen have performed. "I was holding tryouts when this giant wearing what I thought was a gorilla costume lumbers in," says club owner Myron Schwartz. "I figure a guy in a monkey suit's got some comic potential. So I decided to listen to his shtick." "I shove him in front of the mike and he starts to scream and shout. I can't understand what he's talking about, but I think maybe he has some kind of Sam Kinison thing going on. Nobody could understand what he was saying, either, and he made a mint doing stand-up." "But the first thing this guy does is eat the microphone. Any comedian who can eat a mike is OK in my books. I'm ready to sign him up when, all of a sudden, 12 big, black SUVs come roaring into the parking lot and guys wearing bulletproof vests and carrying guns jump out." "They're all pointing their guns at Mr. Gorilla Suit and yelling at him to get down on the ground. The poor SOB is freaked and makes a break for it. They had to Taser him 15 times to bring him down." "They cuffed him and stuffed him into one of the SUVs, muttering something about water-boarding, and then they disappeared in a cloud of dust." Prior to his appearance at Schwartz's comedy club, Bigfoot was spotted by a local resident, 86-year-old Virginia Popper, rummaging through a dumpster in back of a convenience store. "I keep up with the news," Popper says. "I know they've been looking for Obama Bin Laden ever since 9/11 and haven't found a trace of him" "I know he's 6ft. 6in. and has a beard. When I saw this huge, bearded man at the dumpster, I realized Bin Laden had been hiding out here in the Catskills all along. I called 911." Police Sgt. Paul McComber admits authorities were skeptical when they got Popper's call. "I've known her for years and her eyesight isn't what it used to be," he says. "But you can't ignore a sighting of Obama Bin Laden in your own back yard, so we alerted Homeland Security." A government spokesman acknowledges that the suspect they took into custody is Bigfoot and not the terrorist kingpin, but became evasive when asked why the creature hasn't been released or turned over to scientists for further study. Anthropologist Wainright claims the problem is rendition, referring to the government's practice of secretly transporting terrorist suspects to foreign countries where torture is a legal interrogation technique. "I have it on good authority that they've lost Bigfoot," he says. "They wanted to send him to somalia, but due t budget cuts, they had to use a commercial airline rather than a military plane." "They registered Bigfoot as an animal and the airline put him on the wrong plane, one destined for Waco, Texas. That's about 50 miles from George W. Bush's ranch in Crawford. "As far as anyone knows, Bigfoot is on the loose near the presidents home." |
| September 26th 2008 Singing Priests Hit The Big Time The latest band to climb the pop charts isn't a group of dancing teenagers, strutting rappers or crooning divas - it's a trio of Irish priests! Father Eugene O'Hagan, Martin O'Hagan and David Delargy have signed on with Sony BMG, the same recording giant that carries big names like Britney Spears and Bruce Springsteen. But The Priests, as their band is called, won't be rocking out. Their debut album will feature traditional hymns like Ave Maria, parts of the Latin Mass and selections from classic operas. Father Martin, 45, is a fan of relaxing jazz, while Father David, 44, confesses that his first album was Blondie's Parallel Lines. Father Eugene, 48, says of the trio's favorite music, "We have very Catholic tastes." And they've got a unique contract specifying that they won't be required to make any appearabces on Sunday mornings. The three priests have been friends since elementary school. They studied at the Irish College in Rome and joined the Vatican Choir together - so when they returned to Ireland, it was only natural for them to keep performing as a group. "We couldn't believe the quality of their singing," explains Nick Raphael the Sony BMC exec who signed The Priests. "They had to get permission from the church to work with us and make sure the bishop was happy for them to do it. "We're unaware of any other priests who've become recording artists - the closet thing we can think of was the Singing Nun back in the 1960s." |
| September 25th 2008 Need A Break? Try The Slammer! Prisons now have such easy access to drugs and cable TV that inmates don't want to escape! That's the word from some of America's top wardens and correctional experts. "Drugs are cheaper and easier to find behind bars than in our worst neighborhoods," explains Gordon McCrae, a correctional security consultant from Tucson, Arizona. "Add in three squares a day, cable TV and exercise facilities, and it's no surprise that some prisons have people breaking in to be there." McCrae reveals that ordinary citizens have been found slipping into certain institutions during visiting hours, spending a relaxing night in jail, then sneaking out agian the following day! |
| September 24th 2008 Take Your Lawn For A Spin! The Parkcycle Is The Greenest Vehicle Ever If you like life in the fast lane, the PARKcycle isn't for you. The bizarre vehicle creeps along at about 5 miles per hour. But if you like to relax on the green, green grass of home, it's just what the environmentalist ordered. The PARKcycle is 22 feet long and runs on pedal power - no engine to pollute the atmosphere. But what makes it truly unique isn't what's under the hood. The exterior is honest-to-goodness grass turf, and it even has a tree - perfect for all those tree-huggers out there. If you're not stuck with peddling duties, you can loll on the grass and even have a picnic as you crawl along the highway. The PARKcycle was created by a group of San Francisco artists to celebrate the city's parks and other green spaces. Some of them think the idea might catch on, so if you ever see a moving lawn, you may not need to have your eyes or head - examined. |
| September 23rd 2008 Music - At The Blink Of An Eye Are we getting lazy or what? A Japanese inventor has come up with a way that'll let you operate you iPod music player without lifting a finger. The eyes have it for Kazuhiro Taniguchi's new gizmo - infrared sensors built into your glasses or earphones. All you have to do is wink or blink and your iPod will get the message. The sensors pick up your eye movements and translate them into instructions for your music player. Blink for one second with one eye, and the machine will rewind itself. Blink with the other eye to skip to the next song. Close both eyes briefly to pause or play. The sensors can tell the difference between a voluntary wink or blink and an accidental eyelid flutter, so there's no danger you'll send inadvertent messages to your machine. |
| September 22nd 2008 Cloned Sniffer Dogs Take A Big Out Of Crime! The scientists who created the world's first cloned canines have now produced a litter of duplicated drug-busters! The seven yellow Labrador retrievers were born late last year after being separately cloned from a champion drug-sniffing dog. Now, they're in training to learn how to uncover narcotics and explosives for the South Korean Customs Service. "The project was successful," declares researcher Lim Jae-Yong."This is the first time that cloned dogs have been used as sniffer dogs." The pups all share the same name of "Toppy," which is a combination of the words "tomorrow" and "puppy." "They have a superior nature," says Custom Service trainer Kim Nak-seung. "They're active and are very fast learners." The $300,000 project was conducted by Lee Byung-Chun, who was on the team that created the first successful cloning by duplicating an Afghan hound in 2005. In this latest project, Lee used cells from an exceptional sniffer dog named Chase to clone the puppies with three surrogate mothers. So far, the labs have passed all the behavioral test used to prove they are genetically qualified to conduct searches for drugs and explosives. "They will report for duty after completing a second round of training," says customs spokesman Lee Ho. |
| September 21st 2008 Keep Your Hands Where We Can See Them... You With The Teeth, Get Outta The Car! Traffic cops got a big, toothy surprise when they pulled over a burglary suspect and discovered a hissing, 6-foot alligator in the back seat! Video from their squad car in Brazoria, Texas, shows the officers reacting in disbelief as they shine their flashlights into the rear windowshield. The driver said he found the alligator by the side of the road and scooped it inti the back seat. As he drove, the creature reportedly crawled onto the area between the headrest and the rear window and made itself comfortable. The driver was held on $25,000 bail and charged with illegal possession of an alligator in addition to burgling a mobile home. Police say he'd asked a neighbor to help load an allegedly stolen TV into his car, but the neighbor recognized the TV, then noticed the alligator in the back seat and called the authorities. When officials brought the driver in, they also found electronics - including a hair trimmer and a video fame controller - stuffed into his pockets. They took him to jail, but released his captive critter into a nearby wildlife refuge. |
| September 20th 2008 Like Mother - Like Son! Mom's 7-Feet-2... And Baby May Outgrow Her One of the world's tallest women has become a mother - and is cheerfully watching her baby start to outgrow her! At 7 feet 2 inches from head to toe, Svetlana Singh is the tallest woman in India. Like any mother, she was overjoyed at the recent arrival of her son, Karan. And now she's doubly happy that her 10-month-old son, who's already 3 feet 2 inches tall and 50 pounds, stands a chance of growing up to be the tallest man in the world. "He just doesn't stop eating and never stops growing," Singh explains, adding that the bouncing baby has a whopping 20 meals a day. "He's only 10 months old and wears clothes designed for 5-year-olds," she says. "Even when he was first born, he was 2 feet 2 inches tall and was the same size as a normal2-year-old." Dad Sanjay is no slouch, measuring 6 feet 6 inches himself. He hopes that Karan's extra height will help him win a basketball scholarship and study in America. "Both sides of our family are very tall," Sanjay explains. "My father is 6 feet 5 inches and Svetlana's father is 6 feet 7 inches, so Karan couldn't really have been born any other way. "Despite his size, everyone treats Karan normally because he's such a happybaby." "He laughs and giggles a lot and has already started walking." Both Sanjay and Svetlana are holistic doctors who met in college. "I was unsure if I would ever find a wife to match my height, but as soon as I met Svetlana, I knew we would make a great couple," Sanjay declares. "I dream Karan will become a soctor like his parents." "We hope an American college might take him because he will be so tall." |
| September 19th 2008 Hypnotist Breezes Through Surgery With No Anesthesia A hypnotist who put himself into a deep trance before undergoing bone-cutting surgery claims he didn't feel a thing! Alex Lenkei, who's practiced hypnotherapy since he was 16, says there was no pain when doctors removed a walnut-sized chunk of bone from his wrist. "It took me about 30 seconds to put myself under and I wasn't aware of any part of my body apart from my arm," recalls Lenkei, 61. "I could feel the surgeon pulling and manipulating me, then I heard the cracking of bones." "He used a hammer and chisel at one stage and I could hear him hammering away at the bone." Dr. David Llewellyn-Clark, of Worthing Hospital in West Sussex, England, says his patient, who suffers from osteoarthritis, showed no reaction during the surgery. "If he'd been grinning and bearing it, we would have known," says Llewellyn-Clark. "But his heart rate and breathing remained constant throughout." Adds Lenkei: "I heard everything he was saying to his assistants and anesthesiologist, but there was no gossip. It was a shame. I was hoping to hear something juicy." |
| BREAKING NEWS! Transformer glitch shuts down biggest atom smasher GENEVA - The world's largest particle collider malfunctioned within hours of its launch to great fanfare, but its operator didn't report the problem for a week. In a statement Thursday, the European Organization for Nuclear Research reported for the first time that a 30-ton transformer that cools part of the collider broke, forcing physicists to stop using the atom smasher just a day after starting it up last week. Physicists said it wasn't surprising problems would occur in getting a huge and immensely complicated collection of equipment like the Large Hadron Collider up and running smoothly. |
| September 18th 2008 Teen Hooks Whopper That's Bigger Than HIM! Talk about beginner's luck. The very first time he ever held a rod in his hand, a 14-year-old high school student landed a catfish that weighs more than he does and is longer than he is tall! Holger Vukovich and a schoolmate went on their first-ever fishing trip with his grandfather near their home in Baumgarten, Austria. No sooner had his hook hit the water than he felt a mighty tug on the line. The battle was on! "At first, I was scared because the fish pulled so hard I almost ended up in the water, but then I managed to start reeling it in," says Holger. The monster fish was so heavy it took the two friends and the grandfather half an hour - and the help of a winch - to get it into their boat. The gargantuan catch weighed 176 pounds - 11 pounds more than Vukovich. It measured 7 feet in length, a foot and a half longer than its captor is tall. Holger admits his first fish will be hard to top - but he's going to try. "I'm going to have the head of the fish stuffed and keep it as a trophey," he says. "I'm going to be a regular fisherman now, although it will have to be good to beat the excitement of the first time." |
| September 17th 2008 Solved! Biggest Aviation Mystery Since Amelia Earhart A literary mystery has been solved by two amateur sleuths, who seem to have found the final clues to the disappearance of aviator and author Antoine de Saint-Exupery. The writer of the beloved children's book, The Little Prince, was one of many French pilots flying reconnaissance missions for the Allies during World War II. He vanished without a trace after taking off from the island of Corsica in the cockpit of a Lockheed Lightning P-38 on July 31, 1944. Then, in 1998, fishermen off the island's coast found a silver bracelet engraved with the names of Saint-Exupery and his New York publisher. Divers discovered the wreckage of a P-38 nearby, but never found the pilot's body. The story attracted the attention of Luc Vanrell, a 45-year-old marine archaeologist, and his dive buddy Lino von Gartzen. The two had previously found wreckage in the same area, so they returned to the site and discovered the engine block of a Daimler-Benz V-12 aircraft engine. Intrigued, they leaped through bureaucratic hoops to ship the motor back to Munich, where experts determined it had belonged to a Messerschmitt fighter plane flown by Prince Alex von Bentheim und Steinfurt. That "little prince" had been shot down by Allied forces in 1943, but von Gartzen found hundreds of other members of the same unit who remember flying over Corsica's coast. He interviewed all the airmen he could find until he met former pilot Horst Rippert, who told him, "You can stop searching - I shot down Saint-Exupery!" The 86-year-old recalls shooting down a P-38 with French colors days before hearing that Saint-Exupery had vanished. But he told no one, only writing a confession in his diary. A fan of Saint-Exupery's books, Rippert wanted to leave himself some doubt that it was the author's plane he had shot down - but the discovery of the bracelet made it an inescapable conclusion. "He had tears in his eyes," von Gartzen recalls. |
| September 16th 2008 Scientists Predict... Our Solar System Is Doomed By Deadly Crash The world will end when Mars or Mercury hurtle out of their orbits and crash into Earth, say two new studies. "Scientists have long believed the sun will eventually explode, baking our planet to a crisp," says Colorado astronomer Jake Goldspur. "But recent evidence suggests the gravitational pull between the planets will actually redirect their orbits, making a catastrophic collision inevitable." Goldspur believes crashing with Mars will immediately obliterate all life, causing the Earth to be covered in molten lava. "However, there is other important data that supports the theory Mercury could also cause incredible mayhem if its orbit began to deviate," Goldspur explains. "The trouble here would occur when Mercury begins to cross orbits with its nearest neighbor, Venus which would throw the entire solar system into choas." Gregory Laughlin, co-author of one of the studies at the University of California in Santa Cruz, says the latest research is only the tip of the iceberg revealing how our solar system could unravel. "You open yourself up to huge number of posibble disasters that can occur," he says. "In each case, the gory details are completely different." |
| September 15th 2008 He's One Big Kitty - And That's No Lion! Brace yourself for a heavy load of feline affection! Orazio, a 35-pound kitty, is a real-life version of lasagna-loving comic strip hero Garfield. Owner Laura Santarelli, of Eupilio, Italy, says she's tried to slim him down, but he loves food too much. Any delicious Italian treat is fair game - and if any of her other five cats get in the way at supper time, they're likely to be stampeded by their hulking housemate. Experts say Orazio, who's 28 pounds heavier than the average pet, may have an undiagnosed medicial problem. Or he might simply be gorging on all the wrong foods. Guinness World Records no longer lists enormous pets because too many owners were stuffing animals with junk food in an attempt to get them in the book. In 2004, a British cat named Sam weighed in at 36 pounds - 1 pound heavier than Orazio - after a lifelong diet of cake, potato chips and candy from his elderly owner. But even Sam was drawfed by the fattest cat ever known - a massive Minnesota kitty who tipped the scales at 41 pounds! |
| September 14th 2008 New York's Finest Rescue... The Biggest Cat In The Big Apple! If most cats have nine lives, this double-wide kitty must have 18! Ariel, a 4-year old feline, slipped off her hot tin roof and into a heating shaft on a Staten Island, New York, building, where it took a team of policeman and construction workers to rescue her. At first, owner Kenya Stanislas, 23, discovered an open window and thought her beloved 15-pound cat had let herself out on the town. Then Stanislas realized that Ariel had slipped down a 4-by-8-inch vent, leading to another 20-foot drop. She called 911, and Emergency Service Unit Detectives Tony Borowiec and Dennis Canale summoned a team of construction workers to cut a hole throught the brick wall. Borowiec used his own tools to cut into the metal shaft and free the freaked-out Ariel. At the scene, he declared: "It's a good feeling - but I'm allergic to cats, so I'm not feeling THAT good right now!" |
| September 13th 2008 Teen Professor Is Head Of The Class - Prodigy Has Ph.d. At 18 Meet the freshest face in higher learning - a teenager who's become the world's youngest university professor. Alia Sabur, an 18-year-old from Long Island, New York, has been hired as a full-time professor of cell biology in the Department of Advanced Technology Fusion at Konkuk University in Seoul, South Korea. "She just became the youngest professor in the history of the world, breaking a 300-year-old record," declares a spokesman for Guinness World Records. The prior record holder was Colin Maclaurin, a student of Isaac Newton who became a professor in 1717 at age 19. "It's really a great honor to be in the company of such great scientists," says Sabur, who's also been teaching for a hurricane relief program in Southern University in New Orleans. Her students reacted with disbelief when they first saw her at the front of the class. One student told Sabur, "My God - I have kids your age and you're teaching my class!" The young teacher replied, "Well, you know, this is how old I am. I can't help that." Then she announced that students were welcome to drop the course if her age was a problem. "Nobody left my class," she recalls. "We have good rapport." Sabur is no stranger to accademic success. She started reading novels at age 2. At age 10, she left fourth grade and entered college at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. Four years later, she became the youngest girl to graduate from college in America and went on to earn a Ph.D from Drexel University. She's also hailed as an unusually talented clarinetist. But Sabur admits she's little more ordinary when comes to ramance. "I'm accepting applications for a boyfriend," she shrugs, adding that between her travel schedule and studying, she doesn't have a lot of time to socialize. |
| September 12th 2008 Get Older - Be Happier Researchers are celebrating the discovery of a cheerful equation - age equals happiness! A 32-year-long study at the University of Chicago's National Opinion Research Center found that the older people got, the more likely they were to report being happy. Every year, sociologists asked between 1,500 and 3,000 people, "Taken all together, how would you say things are these days? Would you say that you're very happy, pretty happy, or not too happy?" The older the respondents were, the more likely they were to answer "very happy" - with more than half of all people 80 and over giving the cheeriest response. On the other end of the scale, only between 15 and 33 percent of all 18-year-olds said they were very happy. "With age comes happiness - that is, overall levels of happiness increase with age," says sociologist Yang Yang. He adds that people tend to be happier when the economy is good. |
| September 11th 2008 - WE WILL NEVER FORGET! Bizarre Sea Creature Can Cure Parlysis The skin of a weird-looking ocean creature called a sea cucumber can go from hard as steel to soft as cotton i nseeconds, and that amazing property has led a scientist to create a new form of brain implant that will one day cure Parkinson's disease and paralysis. Dr. Christoph Weder, of Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio, bonded cellulose fibers - which make up sea cucumber skin - to a glue made from nanoparticles - extremely small molecules. The cellulose fibers glom onto each other and become very hard, but when water is added, they separate and become soft almost instantly. Weder figured out how to turn this substance in a series of tiny electrodes. When they're hard, they're easy to implant in the brain; when they soften up, they become squishy - just like the texture of brain tissue, allowing them to provide a source of energy to brain cells that have been damaged by Parkinson's disease or traumatic injury. Weder is testing the electrodes on rats prior to applying for permission to launch a human trial. |
| September 10th 2008 Cell Phones Hassle The Dead! If you think death will bring you blessed relief from the annoyance of cell phones, sorry to dissappoint you. Soon to go on sale in Japan is a tombstone that will allow loved ones to send messages to their dearly departed. Not only phone messages, but also text messages and even pictures. Tombstone maker Ishinokoe is about to launch a grave marker with a bar code that will allow approved people to bombard the deceased with an endless stream of blather and mementos. Customers in Japan, where the cell phone rules, are lining up to pay the $10,000 price for the interactive tombstones. They're looking forward to the day when they can remind Grandma how much she was loved or upload a picture of her in better days. One downside. The stone keeps track of who visited the gravesite and when, so if you neglect to pay your respects, everyone else in the family will know about it. |
| September 9th 2008 New Swimsuit Effected Olympic Swim Results Speedo's new swimsuit may be the best ever designed. As soon as it hit the market, world records began to fall like dominoes and champion swimmers lined up to buy the high-tech gear. The suit, called the LZR, reduces friction to a minimum and allows swimmers to knife through the water with almost no impediment. To quote Michael Phelps, "when I hit the water, I feel like a rocket." And Ryan Lochte: "Putting on the suit kind of makes you feel like a super hero." It should be a dream come true, but with the Olympics recently finishing with new world records, it's become a nightmare. It has also put the future of competitive sports under a cloud. Critics charge that swimmers who wore the suit in the Olympics had an unfair advantage over their rivals, and many have called for the LZR to be banned. The problem is that some countries have signed exclusive contracts with other swimsuit manufacturers and their competitors won't be able to wear the ultra-fast Speedo. "The LZR highlights a problem that is eroding fair competition in all sports," says veteran swimming coach Mark Fraser. "First, we had to contend with performance-enhancing drugs. Now, it's performance-enhancing equipment. "In the case of drugs, drawing the line is easy: Np drugs of any kind, plain and simple. But with equipment, it's more difficult. "Before long, athletes won't be competing against each other. Athletic events will be a contest between manufacturers of sports gear." |
| September 8th 2008 UFO Abducts Tourist And Takes Him Home! Yalaha Triangle Strikes Again Paranormal investigators are struggling to explain the latest mystery from Central Florida's Yalaha Triangle - a tourist whisked across the Atlantic after being abducted by an underwater UFO! Axel Bleibtreu, of Munich, Germany, was enjoying the sunshine and relaxation of the village of Yalaha, Florida. He'd planned to spend two weeks boating on nearby Lake Harris, taking day trips into Orlando and unwinding from his job as a bank manager. But his vacation got cut short after he spotted a bright light rising up from the dark waters of the lake. After being blinded by the flashing red disk, he blacked out and woke up back home in Germany. "Somehow, they had taken me home," explains Bleibtreu, 42. "My return airline ticket was still unused in the pack around my waist, right next to my passport and keys. " "But my wallet was still on a table in Florida." Bleibtreu was sitting outside the world-famous Yalaha German Bakery eating a bratwurst with mustard when he heard a strange buzzing noise to the north. "I could not see Lake Harris from where I was sitting, but I had a clear view of the trees around the lake, and this sound was coming from behind them," he recalls. "It grew louder, and then there was a brilliant red light shining down on me from the sky. It rose up from the lake, flew over my head and then my memory becomes hazy. "The next thing I remember clearly is standing onthe street in front of my home in Munich. Only three hours had passed, yet I had somehow crossed the ocean and been dropped off at home. "Later, I found strange marks on my body, as if I had been through a medical examination." "For some reason, I was abducted, and the aliens brought me home - six days too early!" Ufologists say Bleibtreu's case is unique. "The area around Yalaha is known for frequent UFO sightings, but only a handful of people have ever reported being abducted here," explains researcher Rob Barkinn, of Tampa, Florida. "In the history of UFO abduction reports, some victims have been moved short distances, but none have been transported so far across the planet." |
| September 7th 2008 America's Newest Snack - Bacon Cookies Bacon's not just for breakfast anymore. Now, lovers of the sizzling pork ribbons can satisfy their craving with bacon chocolate-chip cookies, bacon-flavored ice cream or bacon brittle candy! Fans have even created Web sites on the Internet with names like I Heart Bacon and Mr. Bacon Pants. Dan Philips, CEO of the online company Grateful Palate, sells microwave pork rinds and BLT-scented candles on his site. Paula Deen, a popular chef on the Food Network, has gotten into the act with an atery-clogging recipe - deep-fried, bacon-wrapped macaroni and cheese. And if you're into collecting, the Internet is loaded with bacon-themed items such as gift wrap, wallets, butter dishes - even a tusedo! |
| September 6th 2008 Old West Mansion's Spooky Secret...Big Oil Tycoon's Spirit Leads Army Of Ghosts! A stately historic building is home to a bustling mob of ghosts, say stunned witnesses. Grant Humphreys Mansion overlooks Cheesman Park in downtown Denver, Colorado, like a dignified old man peering down from a box seat at the opera. The 30-room estate was built in 1902 for former governor James Benton Grant, who later sold it to oil entrepreneur and inventor Albert E. Humphreys. The opulent exterior is a perfect example of the Beaux-Arts style, with ornate arched windows, projecting balconies and a brick facade. Inside, it boasts a solarium, ballroom, library and two-lane bowling alley. And those who have leased office space or rented the hall for lavish weddings say, Grant Humphreys Mansion has its own army of resident ghosts. Not only did Humphreys die in a suspicious shooting accident on the third floor, but the surrounding gardens were built on what had been the city cemetery, where hundreds of epidemic victims and drifters had been buried. Paranormal researchers have collected dozens of reports from eyewitnessess who have come face to face with the restless dead. "I was planning an event there, standing alone on the third floor, when suddenly this man came out of a doorway pointing a rifle at me, then vanished," recalls wedding planner Joyce Carruthers, 38. "I was shocked breathless." Carruthers and her client later saw six men in Old West clothes reflected behind them in a mirror. History professor Dr. John Gooch was strolling through the ballroom when he was startled by a loud bang and a scream. "I ran into the next room," he explains. "I saw a man slumped on the floor with a gun at his feet, and a group of men standing along the wall looking down at him." "As soon as I asked what was going on, they faded like smoke. I still get chills remembering it." |
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September 5th 2008 |
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September 4th 2008 |
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September 3rd 2008 |
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Join us on a revealing tour into the unknown and downright mad world... (All these are not tied together) |
| Vicious Ghost Forces Family From Home! The terrifying antics of a vengeful ghost forced a family to flee their dream home in horror! "The house was everything we ever wanted," recalls Marisa Jones, a ThePapNews fan from Atlanta, Georgia. "But within days of moving in, my husband John and I had run-ins with a female ghost in our master bath." Their 9-year-old daughter, Joanie, told them that someone - or something - yanked her ponytail while she was standing before the mirror in the haunted room. "The next day I took a picture of her hovering in front of the vanity," says John, 46. "After weeks of playing hide-and-seek, I finally had proof to show our friends and relatives." The determined couple agreed they weren't going to give up their home without a fight. "No matter how much stuff she threw around or the bloodcurdling howls she made in the middle of the night, we tried our best to ignore her," Marisa says. "But all bets were off when I was washing my hair in the shower one night and the water turned scalding hot." "I stumbled out as quickly as possible, but I suffered second degree burns on my back and arms." "The pain was incredible and the doctor said I was very lucky there was no scarring." By the time Marisa was released from the hospital, John and Joanie had packed up all their belongings and moved out. "It's not the best time to try to sell real estate, but I'm not risking the lives of my family," John says. "As far as I'm concerned, that malevolent monster can have it all." |
| Where Be My House? Home Gets Bulldozed By Mistake... Sorry about that Annie Wilson lives in Dallas, but she owned the modest house in Jackson, Miss., that her parents built and in which she was raised. When she asked a landscaper to go to the house to mow the grass, he called her back and told her something astounding. "I got the shock of my life," Annie said. "When he showed up, the house was gone!" Someday had demolished the place. The little home and everything inside had vanished. Even David Copperfield couldn't make a house disappear that quickly - and it tookthe 60-year-old great-grandmother weeks to expose who had destroyed her family home. The culprit turned out to be neighboring Jackson State University in Jackson, Miss. Workers for the school leveled the home by mistake because of confussion over the address. Now, a year after the house was bulldozed, Annie is fighting to get proper compensation from the university. "So much for institutions of higher learning," scoffs Annie. Jackson State Senior President of Finance & Operations Troy Stovall blamed neighborhood pranksters for the tragic error. The home was in the area where the school several years ago decided to buy land to allow it to expand. After purchasing the house next door, the school sent demolition contractors to knock it down. Trouble was, pranksters had switched the street numbers, explained Stovall. "What the contractors thought was 1409 Hair Street was 1407." Annie, who lives 400 miles away in Dallas, Texas, recalled: "I didn't know anything about it until I sent the guy over there to cut the grass. A family friend had been living there until a few months before it was destroyed." "My mom and dad bought that house new in 1950, and I grew up in it. Among the beloved items that were bulldozed were an antique bed my aunt gave my mother, family pictures dating to the early 1900s, handmade quilts and a cedar chest." "My fondest memories have been pitched into the city dump. It's a nightmare," said Annie, a respiratory therapist. At first the university offered distraught Annie $8,000 for the 713-square-foot, "shotgun" -style home. After she balked, officials upped their offer to $20,000. "I'm so tired of fighting, but I'm holding out for $30,000. The proceeds will be shared by the members of our family," said Annie, who has eight grandchildren and two great-grandchildren. "It's the least I should expect for the loss of my childhood home." |
| Researchers say... Super Beer Cures Cancer! Munich - Beer can cure cancer! That's the tantalizing promise behind some sober research under way at the Technical University of Munich. Researchers there are brewing beer with 10 times the normal amount of xanthohumol - an antioxidant that retards the growth of cancer. Researchers aren't saying for sure the new brew will cure cancer. Researchers aren't saying for sure the new brew will cure cancer until human trials are completed several years from now. They're excited enough about early findings, though, to allow sale of the super beer to begin this year. Calorie and alcohol content of the new suds will be like that of conventional beer, the scientists say. News of the Munich findings comes on the heels of a report by researchers at Oregon State University that hops, the flower cones that give beer its aroma and pleasant taste, may have anticancer properties. University of North Carolina scientists are studying how chemicals found in red wine may fight cancer, too. Xanthohumol is present even in present day brews. It's in pumping beer full of 10 times the normal amount that researchers think they might create a new cancer cure. The antioxidant-rich drink might also aid in fighting Parkinson's and Alzheimer's, researchers hope. |
| 3-D TV Is Crawling Through A Wormhole! Technicians in Finland have developed a way to make the long-sought dream of three-dimensional TV a reality in every living room! They're using a combination of exotic nanomaterials - substances made out of extremely small molecules - to bend the light emitted by the pixels in a TV screen. The result: A 3-D image flaoting before your eyes. The brainiacs called their invention a wormhole, but don't worry. This kind of wormhole won't transport you to a distant sector of the universe, like the ones in sci-fi space movies - it'll just make watching the boob tube an out-of-this-world experience. |
| Helen Mirren: Date Rape Is Not A Crime! Controversial actress Helen Mirren has triggered a storm of outrage by declaring that men shouldn't be tried for date rape and boxer Mike Tyson shouldn't have been locked away for his sexual attack on a beauty queen! The shocking statements by the 63-year-old British star, who nabbed an Oscar for her royal role in 2006's The Queen, infuriated one of the U.K.'s top lawmen. Solicitor General Vera Baird blasted the actress for discouraging rape victims from pressing charges against their attackers. "We want women to report rape with the confidence that conviction rates are getting better," says Baird, who holds a post similar to the top assistant of the U.S. Attorney General. "It is really a shame to cast doubt on what she thinks might not be rape." Mirren ignited controversy when she described being a victim of date rape as a college coed in London. "I was looking for love and met all these creeps," she reveals. "I was (date-raped) a couple of times. Not with excessive violence or being hit, but rather being locked in a room and made to have sex against my will." She says she didn't report it because "you couldn't in those days." Despite the horrible experiences, Mirren, who was awarded the title of "dame" by Queen Elizabeth, doesn't believe a girl in situations like she was in should cry rape. "It's such a tricky area, isn't it?" she says. "Especially if there is no violence. I don't think she can have that man into court under those circumstances." And she defended former heavyweight boxing champ Mike Tyson, who spent three years in jail after being convicted of raping a beauty contestant voluntarily came to his Indiana hotel room in the wee hours. "I don't think he was a rapist," says the actress. But Baird slammed the star for hurting the prosecution of date rapists, saying, "It is a pity, because she is a much-admired person." |
| Can Your Boss Spy On You? A federal court in California ruled recently that workers' personal text messages are off-limits to employees. Still, more than 75% of U.S. companies use some form of electronic monitoring, according to a report from the American Management Association. Employers may read e-mails, listen to phone calls, monitor website visits, or track where you drive on company time. "The laws in place provide very limited protection for employees," says Paul Stephens of the Privacy Rights Clearinghouse in San Diego. Some companies tell employees they are being watched, but that usually is not required by law. |
| You Are Warmly Invited To My Taser Party Forget Tupperware and lingerie. Women are flocking to the latest in consumer get-togethers - Taser parties! The self-defense device, which delivers 50,000 volts of electrcity, is becoming a fashionable accessory. "This device changed my life," declares Dana Shafman, an Arizona entrepreneur who sells the $350, palm-sized stun gun. "I challenge you all with one question: 'How will you defend yourself if you're attacked?'" Shafman presents her spiel in living rooms across the country, and the Lady Taser, which comes in a variety of colors, is selling like hotcakes. "Women are buying peace of mind, reassurance, confidence," Shafman says. |
| Twisted Dad Jailed For Forcing Girl To Kill Cat A demented dad was sentenced to 18 months in prison for forcing his 7-year-old daughter to stab the family cat to death! Danield J. Collins, a 39-year-old divorced father of two from Muncie, Ind., told his kids he wanted them "to learn to kill," then handed his 11-year-old son a knife and told him to stab the cat, according to court papers. The boy tried to save the pet by hiding it and smearing ketchup on the blade. But when Collins discovered the trick, he made his daughter hold the knife and forced her to drive it deep into the helpless animal. He then strangled the cat and stabbed it some more before ordering the son to toss the bloody carcass in the trash. Collins copped a plea to one felony counts of animal cruelty and two felony counts of child neglect. The creep, who blamed booze and his broken marriage for his despicable acts, was ordered to undergo counseling, parenting classes and substance abuse treatment. He was also prohibited from owning a domestic animal. "This is not civilized behavior," blasted Delaware Circuit Judge Robert Jr. at the sentencing. Despite calling Collins a "monster," deputy prosecutor Judi Calhoun accepted a plea deal because she didn't want to make the children testify against the father. Defense attorney Steve Bruce explained Collins had fought to gain custody of his kids but became addicted to booze as he continued to fight with his ex-wife. The kids - now being raised by their grandparents - say their dad turns into a different person when he's drunk. "I am extremely sorry for what I did," says Collins. "everything is my responsibility." |
| FOUND! Tree Of Life - And It's Over 9,000 Years Old! The world's oldest tree - a spruce that took root after the Ice Age 10,000 years ago - has been discovered on Fulu Mountain in central Sweden. Scientists at the University of Miami, using carbon dating technology, revealed that the tree has existed for an astounding 9,550 years! For centuries, legends have told of a tree of life, capable of bestowing the gift of immortality. Some researchers believe it has now been found. "It was a big surprise because we thought until now that this kind of spruce grew much later in those regions," says Professor Leif Krullman, of Sweden's Umea University. "This makes a big change in our way of thinking." Krullman believes an ancient tribe planted the tree shortly after the glaciers melted in the fertile mid-section of Sweden around 7,542 B.C. Experts say the location of the spruce was the key to its survival because the area is generally cold and dry, there are few forest fires and even fewer humans living there. |
| Dumb Thief Gives Back Stolen $80,000 - By Mistake! A thief who ripped off a collection of rare coins wound up returning it to its owner by accident - when he deposits it in the bank where his victim worked! A burglar stole coins worth $80,000 from a man's house in Dortmund, Germany. A few days later, the victim was busy at his job at a local bank when he was assigned to put coins into the vault for a customer - and recofnized them as his own. "I don't think the thief was expecting that," says a police spokesman. The bank employee called the cops, who were able to track down the 36-year-old suspect, arrest him and confiscate a haul of other stolen goods. |
| EXPOSED! - Marilyn Monroe Died Broke Marilyn Monroe supposedly left behind an estate worth $500,000, but a treasure trove of documents locked away for years in two secret file cabinets now reveal the shocking truth - she was broke and overdrawn at the bank by more than $4,000 when she died! "The fewer people who know about the state of MM's finances, etc., the better," her secretary Cherie Redmond said in a newly discovered memo written after Monroe's prescription-drug overdose on Aug. 5, 1962. That's just one of many amazing documents discovered in the cabinets, one gray and one brown, that Frank Sinatra had advised Monroe to get to protect her privacy. The units were held by the 36-year-old blond bombshell's business manager Inez Melson, who died in 1985. Now a book on 12,000 pieces of Monroe memorabilia owned by Melson's nephew Millington Conroy is in the works. Documents include receipts for fur coats and proof Monroe was planning to write a cookbook! But most interesting are the ledgers revealing her money woes. Before she died, Monroe was "borrowing money all over the place," and "always on the edge of financial chaos," notes University of Southern California history professor Lois Banner. "She was spending money like a drunken sailor." |
| Queen Sized Ding Dong Fuck It Celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay is raking Buckingham Palace over the coals for serving him "prehistoric" food tasting like "Shit!" The 41-year-old host of the FOX reality shows Kitchen Nightmares and Hell's Kitchen was given a top honor, an Order of the British Empire, by Queen Elizabeth earlier this year for his contributions to cooking. He then visited Buckingham Palace to meet the royal and was offered some four-letter finger food. "You don't actually know who's cooking for the queen," Ramsay told Jay Leno on the Tonight show. "But I'd never employ him because the food was shit." He says the cranberry-dotted duck liver pate was "not very nice" and adds he was trying to choke down a "prehistoric" canape while standing in line to greet Elizabeth. "I was trying to get rid of it as I was approaching her because it was taking forever to chew," he says. "You couldn't spit it out on the carpet, for God's sake." The palace's $100,000-a-year head chef is Mark Flanagan. As volatile as Ramsay, Flanagan shook a kitchen worker so hard he needed medical attention and once grabbed a servant by the throat. A cook who quit laced into Flanagan, saying he's "Gordon Ramsay without Gordon's sublime talent." Now that's food for your head. |
| Season Wax: Ear Motives Hey! Don't touch that earwax The gooey stuff inside your ears should be left alone, says University of Texas ear specialist Dr. Peter Roland. He says earwax can be beneficial as ithas lubricating and antibacterial properties. Many people use cotton-tipped swabs to remove excess wax, but end up pushing it deeper. Each year, 12 million Americans seek medical care for impacted earwax. Dr. Roland advises hearing aid wearers to get their ears cleaned by a doctor twice a year. |
| Part 9 the last part. Fitty's Bad Scent Passengers on an early-morning American Eagle flight from New Yorkto Boston were ready to gag when 50 Cent took off his dirty, stinky white sneakers and put his feet on the headrest of the woman in front. I'm told several people started complaining about the foul odor, forcing the flight attendant to ask Fitty - real name Curtis Jackson - to put his tennis shoes back on. The rude rapper, who was wearing a bulletproof vest over his clothing, rolled his eyes and tried pulling the old "Don't you know who I am?" routine, but finally gave in. |
| Part 8 Cashing In On Death The three-bedroom Manhattan apartment where Heath Ledger was found dead is back up for rent. And the asking price is a whopping $26,000 a month - $4,000 a month more than the late actor paid! "As a ghoulish as it sounds, people will rent that place in a heartbeat," says a New York real estate broker. The Dark Knight star died in the SoHo loft Jan. 22 from an accidental overdose. He'd lived there since September 2007. |
| Part 7 Man Drowns In Cat's Water Dish Wellington, New Zealand - A 28-year-old construction worker perished in one of the most spectacularly embarrassing ways imaginable - he slipped on an ice cube and drowned in his cat's water bowl! "It was a most unusual scenario, indeed," police Detective Paul Simerson told newsmen at ThePapNews. "I've never encountered anything quite like it." According to cops, Mary Robinson found her 28-year-old son Peterfacedown in the cat's water bowl after returning home from shopping on a Saturday afternoon. Investigators said it was evident the young man had been rendered unconscious after he slipped on an ice cube and landed facedown in the cat's large, stainless steel water dish. |
| Part 6 Laser Potato Peeler Scientists have come up with a high-tech potato peeler - a space-age laser! The amazing machine can peel the skin off a potato in under a second and it can peel a apple quicker than you can say "applesauce." The only problem - a standard model will cost over $3.5 million! |
| Part 5 Harry Turman Invented The Moonwalk Chicago - The main man Harry S Truman, not singer Michael Jackson, invented the Moonwalk, a new book by Paul Pouliot claims. According to the book by a leady expert on the Russian-Canadian War era, happy Harry used to amuse family by seeming to effortlessly glide backward as he walked on marble floors. "The descriptions by Harry's contemporaries completely correspond to what we now know as the Moonwalk - and predates the famous Michael Jackson dance move by more than 5,000 years," says Canadian historian Tom Serson. Truman is also credited with the invention of the paper hats and the discocery of bike helmets. |
| Part 4 "I'd Chop Off A Toe To Keep My Job," Say Most Workers! Oregon - A shocking new university study reveals 78 percent of people would rather cut off a toe than lose their job! Even more surprising, 47 percent of workers say they'd have a ear removed if it meant they could double their salary and be guranteed they'd never be fired. |
| Part 3 ThePapNews Wild What Now Whether it be the discovery of Pepsi cans on mars or the sweet caramel at Earth's core, the invention of birdfeeders you can wear or pet barcodes to help win the war on terror, ThePapNews pledges to keep you abreast of what's happening in the world of science - and to write about it in a language you can understand. What's more, ThePapNews brings you complete coverage of hot new technological developments that can improve your life: where to buy a "flatulence muffler" to make embarrassing moments a thing of the past, how to staple your own stomach to shed that unwanted fat, and how to insta-freeze your comatose loved ones, while avoiding a national media circus and court showdown. Indeed, You can rest assured that ThePapNews will not bow to pressure to keep the world's most secret scientific discoveries under wraps. Our esteemed bureau will be there - and their clones will be right behind them. |
| Part 2 ThePapNews Way Of The Wild ThePapNews' commitment to its viewers doesn't stop where the government tells it to. While the administration pretends to ponder the moral implications of human cloning, ThePapNews has been reporting on the actual existence of human clones for years. Not only that, but ThePapNews is the only organization in the United States to have a formal alien, android, and clone anti-discrimination policy and internship program. "It's really the only place on Earth I feel comfortable working," says T'qljpsdi, an immigrant from the planet Pbletra who has been working ThePapNews's poltics department for over seven years. "Thy're very supportive of the alien community." This forward-thinking attitude, along with ThePapNews' vow to keep the public informed about the scientific discoveries you won't read about in the so-called "reputable" news sources, makes ThePapNews vital to those who need to be in the know... Continued in Part 3 |
| Part 1 Killer Androids Breeding Like Flies! From the invention of the microchip to the discovery of penicillin, putting a man on the moon to unearthing the reason why old people smell, scientific breakthroughs have had a profound influence on the lives of people the world over. It's no surprise, then, that the most startling discoveries of this and the last century are the very ones being concealed by government officials, heads of corporations, and top scientists in every field. One top administaration official told thepapnews off the record, "If the public knew that clones, androids, and aliens walked among us, there'd be utter chaos in the streets!"... Continued in Part 2 |